Friday, August 2, 2013



Yesterday I lost my virginity. 

The taker was a nice middle-aged lady who would not look out of place as a waitress at a Bob Evans restaurant but instead opted for a career in law enforcement and hurt my feelings by pulling me over and giving me my first speeding ticket, setting this single father to no children back 125 dollars. 

I was going 55 on a 35 road and didn't even realize I was speeding, probably because I speed every day that my hand touches the wheel of my Acura, a stereotypical Russian habit that -in light of this financial loss- I must now reconsider... but probably won't.