Thursday, January 16, 2014

The Agony of a Scratch


I know I have brought this up before, but I can't let this topic rest.

One of the benefits of my horrible memory is that although I have watched all seasons of Curb Your Enthusiasm before, I have almost completely forgotten everything!

And can now watch them again with a minty fresh excitement almost as if I am a Larry David virgin.

But my karma is not good enough to revel in my Curb virginity.

Today I was enjoying the episode where Larry David finds out that he might be a gentile from the people he thinks are his biological parents. Its the final episode in that season. It is comedy gold! In the middle of their conversation, my laptop screen freezes.

Enter the scratched DVD I rented at the library and the accompanying question...

HOW CAN YOU SCRATCH A GODDAMNED RENTED DVD!?!

You take it out of the case, you insert it into your device... you watch the series and have some laughs...

YOU TAKE IT OUT OF THE DEVICE AND PUT IT BACK IN THE FUCKING DVD CASE!!!

Where does the scratching come in!?

What sort of an inbred moron do you have to be to mess up this process?

These library patrons in this upscale Ohio suburb are supposed to be the cream of the crop. The American intelligentsia. The first people to be sent to the concentration camps in Alaska if Sarah Palin wins the presidency.

I was picking up my reserved DVDs and noticed that the reserved shelf was mostly filled with books! These people reserve books!  

Why!?! Why!?! Why scratch the DVD! We are not hamsters! We are humans! Smart humans! This library is the only vestige of socialism we have in America and you are messing it up.

Do they let their dogs use the DVD as a chew toy? Do they throw it around their houses in a game of Frisbee? Do they use it as a weapon to stab prostitutes?

WHAT IS GOING ON!?!

***

Well, it is all good. All good.

Compassion for all sentient beings. I have no beef.

Buddhists hold that attachment is the heart of all suffering and dissatisfaction defines the unenlightened life.

There are worse things in the world that this.

Go on scratching the library DVDs if that's what makes you happy.

Who am I to judge?

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