Wednesday, January 22, 2014

Ask Nature


Conversation on an online dating site:

Ivan: Be careful embracing that cat. (reference to a photo) I took a class at the Humane Society and learned that 70% of cats have feline herpes.

Girl: hahaha.

Ivan: Hey babe,

I like the "Here's the honest truth: I mostly like men who are scholarly and at least somewhat hip. Why? I don't know. Ask nature." part [of your profile].

Very nice, "ask nature."

Your hahaha answer is also indicative of an attractive girl. A plainer one would maybe write more. Literally, your commitment to this conversation consists of pressing two keyboard keys three times each. I am a puff of smoke. I can be here or be gone and it wouldn't make much difference to you or your cat.

To be honest, this is not too promising.

Most of my conversations on here go like this: some trite, witty flirting (which I am relatively good at) and then eventually I slip and write a long introspective message and inevitably get ignored.

I am a sensitive artist without a portfolio. People are evil but not really. Ask nature.

*** end of exchange

Ahh yes, Ivan [insert last name] building my fortress of solitude since 1986, one icy brick at a time.

Then again, "hahaha" really isn't that promising of a reply.

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