Sunday, November 3, 2013

Love and Freedom in the World of Dew

You won't see too many inspirational quotes on this blog, but this one is good.

Its especially pertinent in the context of my life. I always think about one Seattle girl. Her distant image reincarnates in my mind like the Kennedy assassination in the thoughts of a conspiracy theorist.

Its really shocking to me how much mental pain some irrational urge to connect can cause me. I'm not like an alcoholic who denies the irrationality of his affliction. No, I can shout about the absurdity of it all on top of the tallest hill in Ohio.

And yet this conscious recognition brings little comfort. Emotional pain is not like a broken command in a computer language of ones and zeros that rationality can override.

Her last email to me contained three words, "let me be."

Creating an avalanche of heartache for me and also a running gag with my best friend who often interrupts our conversations with, "hey Ivan, I got three words for you..."

Since she doesn't want to hear from me, my only contribution to her freedom is total silence. And yet this equation leaves little freedom to its master.

I only wish that the Karmic forces trapping my mind can find another beautiful, self-destructive being to latch on to. If nothing else, it would bring change.


A world of dew,
and within every dewdrop
a world of struggle


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